Healings FAQ No. 17, Shonali
Healings FAQ No. 17, Shonali
“As a child, I used to pray for three things: 1) world peace; 2) that my family would all die together at the same time; and 3) that the Beatles would get back together.”
As mentioned on Thursday: I got covid this week. Then my mother-in-law got it, then our daughter, and now my wife. I dunno that I can say anything about covid that hasn’t already been said elsewhere, but this newsletter’s ostensible focus is illness and recovery, so it seems almost negligent not to remark on it somehow. So here’s what I’ll say: old age, sickness, and death. Those of us who are lucky will experience the first one, and all of us will experience the second two. If there’s a silver lining to that fact, it’s that it is universal, so the fear and suffering associated with it is something we can all compare notes on. One interesting thing about the pandemic is how it was and continues to be this big global exercise in maraṇasati, aka the Buddhist practice of meditating on the inevitability of death.
That collective meditation is, of course, one of the main objectives of the Healings FAQ, and in that regard—and plenty of others—today’s guest is a pretty good fit. Her name is Shonali Bhowmik, and she’s an impressive multi-hyphenate: comedian, actress, writer, filmmaker, singer-songwriter, and oh yeah…lawyer. Early ‘00s indie fans may remember her first band, Ultrababyfat. Today, Shonali’s joining us to help celebrate the release of her new solo album, One Machine at a Time. The record is a taught, ‘90s-inflected collection of fuzzed-out dance- and indie-pop, and one of its central topics is the life and influence of Shonali’s late father, Dr. Dilip Kumar Bhowmik, who passed away in 2022. I’ll leave the intro there, because Shonali’s own reflections below on the importance of her family and her father’s legacy are more poignant and insightful than I could ever manage. And if you love the frankness and humor she brings to these subjects, then I’d suggest checking out her new record.
Big thanks to Shonali for taking the time to share her answers to our humble FAQ. I hope you enjoy. I know you will.
What happens when we die?
I don’t pretend to know the answer to that question because I haven’t died yet. It was something I stopped thinking about a long time ago. As a kid, I was definitely preoccupied with that question. I went to a Bible camp as a kid and was thrown off by the concept of Heaven and Hell. That seemed too simple a concept. I do think there is a force and energy within us all that is always transforming the universe. My dad passed away two years ago and I def feel my dad’s presence with me. So perhaps, we physically die and we are still here with all of our loved ones. But I don’t pretend to know.
On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being terrified and 1 being it’s never crossed your mind, how afraid are you of dying? Explain.
Wow, I don’t want to die but the notion of worrying about death or the “fear of dying” seems like a waste of time. There’s that question you ask yourself during meditation, “is worrying about a specific thing useful to your life?” I would say this is not useful. So I would say I am a 2. I do however hate the thought of losing a loved one, so fear of someone else dying is a 5. I was on a flight once, in which the turbulence was so awful and I thought we were going down but I don’t think I was afraid of dying. I was more afraid of the living part where you are enduring a terrifying event. The death part would be a way to stop the awfulness of that event.
What’s the closest you’ve come to death? What did you learn, if anything?
I don’t recall a moment I’ve come actually close to death. I have many friends who have been battling cancer and have lost family members to illness but I personally have not come close to death. I referred to the flight in which I thought was going down. I was almost attacked by a man in my apartment building and my heart was racing but again, I wasn’t thinking about death. I thought about having to live through a horrific event. As a child, I used to pray for three things: 1) world peace; 2) that my family would all die together at the same time so we would not have to live without each other; and 3) that the Beatles would get back together. Haha! So I think it’s the thought of loved ones dying which scares me. I don’t like the idea of having to live without my family, but as for my own life, I feel like I have had a great life. My time to go is something that I will probably have no control over. Why worry about it?
Do you believe in God? Explain.
I am hesitant to answer this question because I don’t pretend to believe that humanity agrees on what God is? Seems like every single person has their own definition for God. Is God a divine all knowing being? Is God a man? Is God love? Is God an energy in the world which keeps humanity and the natural world moving in sync with each other? We as humans like to put a stamp on things, categorize things, and explain our belief systems so as to feel good about ourselves, but I can’t help but ponder on whether this is useful. The beauty of life is that we are always evolving, changing, and what I say today may not be where I will be tomorrow. My dad always said God was in all living things and I tend to believe that. All life forms have a magical quality to them for which we really don’t have an explanation. The energy which is emitted from living beings into the universe and from which so many inexplicable events transpire is awe-inspiring.
Do you have a spiritual practice? If so, what is it? If not, why not?
I like to meditate but don’t do it as often as I’d like. I consider sitting in the quiet (or not so quiet if you live in NYC) by myself and allowing the calmness of my mind to absorb some form of peace as essential to my well being. I also have a gratitude journal. I have not kept up with it in recent months but embracing the wonderful things which happen in my day to day life, no matter how small or big, is grounding for me. I also sometimes pray. I can’t help but have an inner narrative that hopes for some events to turn out the way I’d like them to. These can be requests on behalf of myself, others, or the world. I think everyone does it regardless of what they call it, but my husband would probably disagree. Haha!
Give me an example of a sacred text, for you personally—a work of some kind (book, album, song, painting) that’s essential to the formation of your spiritual worldview. Explain.
When I read this question, I feel as though I should have an answer for this but I don’t. I think my spiritual worldview is most influenced by my parents. Witnessing how they have moved in the world as immigrants from India in the late 60s and ending up in Nashville, TN. They came from such a traditional background, where breaking with tradition was such a rebellious notion. They met each other coming from different castes, different religions, different languages, and had a love marriage as opposed to an arranged marriage which is most common in India. They had little means and the odds were against them, yet they persevered in the US. They forged lifelong relationships and friendships with people with such different backgrounds from themselves. They have always strived for equality, equity and social justice for all. They show love for everyone they meet and always taught us that every person should be treated with respect. They believe that every life is sacred. They always seek joy in life and laughter is always heard in our home. My mom says laughter is medicine. I could go on and on.
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Healings is written by Garrett Kamps and edited by Tommy Craggs. Ayana H. Muwwakkil provides art direction.
Healings is about illness, recovery, spirituality, and related topics, and began in the summer of 2023 as a chronicle of Garrett’s battle with cancer. We make no guarantees that it will hold together, thematically speaking, now or ever.